When trying to present our clients in the best possible light, it's easy to get carried away with adjectives, adverbs, and buzzwords (otherwise known as "fluff").
"Fluff" often sounds great! But it's problematic because these phrases offer no value to the reader (the hiring manager).
In this article, we will talk about how to replace the "fluff" with substance. In other words, instead of writing beautiful sentences, let's write accurate ones.
For more tips on how to improve your writing, check out our articles on Concise Writing, Optimizing Word Choice, and Keeping it Clean and Clear.
Extreme Examples of "Fluff" (aka Beautiful Writing)
An intellectual revolutionary rightly identified as a beacon of change bringing in voluminous inventive transmutation cutting through ingenious idealization and expert execution.
A senior management executive who has built an enviable reputation of excellently thriving in challenging work environments flaming with high pressure.
Tremendously acquainted with impeccable customer service delivery effectively deploying a multitude of externally facing account teams.
Executing the experts? Flaming with high pressure? Tremendously acquainted with? – We have to be careful with word choice and context. What all of these examples have in common is that the words are far too intense! Also, “executing” does not take the appropriate meaning in this sentence. Avoid using extreme descriptors.
Mild Examples of "Fluff" (aka Beautiful Writing)
Innovative and result-oriented financial expert with a longstanding history of serving as a trusted, knowledgeable internal resource on tactical financial planning and decision-making for executive business leaders.
Resilient and highly organized Information Management executive with 15+ years of experience in developing and deploying comprehensive enterprise-wide data and analytics strategies in close collaboration with business unit data leaders to deliver next-generation, positive business outcomes.
Worked closely with the internal departmental heads and executives in an effort to guarantee delivery of high-quality execution of diverse array of project deliverables. Passionate about staying on top of market and technology changes.
Each of the above sentences is stacked with too much information. To create substantive content, it’s best to craft short, concise sentences in which every word matters. Leaving out unnecessary words and redundant adjectives/adverbs will help you achieve that goal.
How To Turn Fluff into Substance (from Beautiful to Accurate)
Before: Worked closely with the internal departmental heads and executives in an effort to guarantee delivery of high-quality execution of diverse array of project deliverables.
After: Collaborated with internal departments and key stakeholders to deliver diverse projects on time while ensuring alignment with client requirements and quality standards.
How we fixed it: The phrasing “guarantee delivery of high-quality execution of diverse array of project deliverables” contains redundant and unnecessary words. For example, delivery of project deliverables.
“High-quality execution” is another problematic phrase, and execution has dual meanings. It can mean carrying out a plan or putting a condemned person to death. You can execute a project or project plan but a project deliverable is already complete; you cannot “execute” something that is already finished. High-quality is also unnecessary because it is too general, and it should be assumed that whatever is delivered is of high quality. However, phrasing like “in line with client requirements and quality standards” is more impactful because it describes how a project was delivered.
Before: Innovative and result-oriented financial expert with a longstanding history of serving as a trusted, knowledgeable internal resource on tactical financial planning and decision-making for executive business leaders.
After: Results-oriented finance expert with comprehensive background in strategic financial planning and forecasting. Skilled in advising senior leaders in key decision-making scenarios.
How we fixed it: Do you see why this sentence is wordy? “Financial expert with background in tactical financial planning… decision-making for business leaders” does not tell the reader much. It’s also redundant “financial expert with background in financial planning.”
Also, if you google “tactical financial planning,” there are not many hits for this phrase; it could be an attempt to rewrite what might have been an industry keyword. For example, if you substitute strategic for tactical, and google “strategic financial planning,” an actual definition appears, indicating that this phrase is likely an industry keyword and should be used.
Before: Unearth actionable insights.
After: Identify problem areas and implement corrective actions.
How we fixed it: This may be brief, but it requires thinking. It might sound good from a literary standpoint, but the reader has to take time to interpret what this means within a business context. This is hard work that recruiters probably won’t do. It might land the resume in the trash bin. Here is how I interpret it.
Before: Ensured that clients from reputable charity stores were welcomed attentively and implemented hands on approach to ensure sales targets were met and excellent service prioritised.
After: Engaged with clients to identify and meet purchasing needs. Utilized hands-on sales approach to ensure provision of excellent customer service. Prioritized client communications while meeting sales targets.
How we fixed it: This sentence is trying to cover too much ground. We can address this by breaking it into three shorter sentences. First, we identified three main ideas:
Welcoming and helping clients to know what they want to buy
Providing good customer service by selling products clients need/want
Communicating with customers and meeting sales goals
Then, we wrote three simple sentences.
Final Thoughts
While some of these sentences may seem exaggerated in complexity and language, they are intended to show you how you can rephrase and tighten up your writing to create clear, impactful content that will make a good impression on hiring managers and recruiters, because that is your target audience.
Anytime a client or editor complains that the language in the resume you wrote is unclear and/or they don't understand what you're trying to say in a sentence, it's often an indication the sentence is too complex, trying to cover too much ground, and/or includes too many adjectives, adverbs, or buzzwords. When this happens, instead of writing a beautiful sentence, try writing an accurate one (or two)!